How to quit a friendship

This is an idea that has been bothering me for a while: one can break-up with a boy/girlfriend, one can separate from or divorce one's husband/wife, one can quit one's job, one can cancel one's gym subscription, one can end almost any contract.

But not friendship. There is no real way of breaking up with a friend, of saying "I can have no more of this in my life", without seeming like a complete drama llama. And with friendships it could always be too early to end it. There is always the possibility of the friendship just being at a rough spot, at being stuck in limbo, and one would not want to lose out on someone's role in one's life for that alone. Everything can change.

However, it could also change for the worse. People move, people evolve, and yes, people do change. After a while of having no interaction, of only stalking one another on facebook, there is just nothing left to say.

I would like it if in life, one could move someone from the friends circle to the acquaintance circle. I would like it if I could tell you, listen, you have disappointed me one too many times. I no longer want to be part of your life. Friendship is a two-way street and I seem to be in a cul-de-sac with ours.

Naturally, you would have the same right. You could say, listen, you and I are no more. I eliminate you from my life. It was nice while it lasted. It's not you, it's me. I need to move on. We are just not good for each other.

Now I ask you, reader, how do you break up with your friend? Because I want it to be known. I want the friend to know why I am leaving him/her. Why the time invested is not worth the outcome any more. I don't want us to just drift further apart and then have to exchange awkward "Happy Birthday"-smses or have to ask him/her how he/she is when we do meet again, if ever.

I want to tell the person: listen, I tried. I tried communication, but you blocked all channels. I tried giving you space, but there was no return from it. I tried moving on, and just ignoring past attachment, but somehow, a clean break would be preferable. I want to know that everyone is alright separately.

I think leaving a friend is so hard because friends are the family of choice. And one does not want to have made the wrong choice. Furthermore, a family is for life. So perhaps the chosen family should be, too. I expect my friends to be there, just as I am for them.

Perhaps the crux is that I should accept it is over and not make a big deal out of it. Just move on. Just accept that some friendships are momentary, and appreciate the moment.

So maybe I will tell you this. Maybe you will read this. If you do, know that it was a pleasure having you in my life, that you were integral to my youth, but that now, I wish you a happy future, sans moi. I am placing you in the  past. Haha, I think you already categorized me there.


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Feelmuseum

Croatia has a Museum of Broken Relationships, which exhibits the remnants of failed loves. By contributing to the museum, a person might get over their loss and hardship through creating something new: it is understandable, relate-able art.


The museum's site states:


"Whatever the motivation for donating personal belongings – be it sheer exhibitionism, therapeutic relief, or simple curiosity – people embraced the idea of exhibiting their love legacy as a sort of a ritual, a solemn ceremony.  Our societies oblige us with our marriages, funerals, and even graduation farewells, but deny us any formal recognition of the demise of a relationship, despite its strong emotional effect.  In the words of Roland Barthes in A Lover's Discourse: 'Every passion, ultimately, has its spectator... (there is) no amorous oblation without a final theatre.' "


If you have anything to contribute, be it shoes, a lock of hair, or a love letter, you can find the information on their website.

maybe a champagne bottle, like this one from a Turkish woman. 

This is the exhibit at a mall in Istanbul. Check out the New York Times article 

I wonder if parting with an object truly helps. But one must admit that most people are hoarders and cling to anything that they see as representative of an experience. Just think about the rise and rise of digital photography: we have a need to document every moment of our lives to make sure that we do not miss something. But I think that in capturing the moment, we miss being in it. I would rather have the memory of an instance than an image to which I have no real relationship. maybe we do not trust our memory enough. Memories can be changed and altered, memories are made by your own selection as to what to save and what to discard. 


I like these sad stories. It proves that we all share the need for love, that we all suffer at the hands  of love, but also that there is hope for moving on. For seeing the relationship for what it was: a period of time, an experience, but not something to pine after for years to come. 


There is a nice BBC video about the travelling exhibit, watch it here.



Perhaps the museum will bring its treasures to your doorstep soon. Perhaps your own object will be exhibited, or perhaps you can relate to those on display. In the end it is all about appreciation and love, is it not ?!  







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