Treading water

The reason I went to France was for writing a short story about my social awkwardness. I posted earlier about going to a party where no one appreciated my wit and talent. But ultimately I should probably thank the party-goers for ignoring me and giving me something to write about.

If you want to read the story, here is the link. However, it's only in French. To make up for this fact this is a link to an article on the event, also in Francais, but with images. Man, in the one image I look like a mountain. Doesn't help that the other two laureates are 9 and 13 years younger than me and always look adorable. You know sometimes you wear things and think you look decent enough, and then, years later, you scroll through old photographs and wonder how you could ever have put that on. I don't feel this way about my wardrobe now, but perhaps I should reconsider. But actually it is funny. I appreciate a good bad photograph.

I make it sound like I am this super-socially-awkward hermit who cannot interact normally with others. I can. Giving tutor classes is no problem, or presenting something, or talking to people I know. But I detest the small-talk one has to make at functions, I hate having to talk to people who have no real interest in me if there is no profit for them. Also, I like discussing topics, events, anything exciting. The emphasis is on discussion. If the other party fails to add anything stimulating to the conversation, I would mostly like to just walk away, but since that is considered rude I fumble with my clothes and hands and words because I feel I need to save the situation, somehow, and it all just becomes very weird and uncomfortable.

Even reading is uncomfortable.