There's no saving anything

via Postsecret

Every Sunday I check Postsecret. And had it not been for this today, I wouldn't have known it was Father's Day. My dad lives on a different continent, and it is a euphemism if I say we don't have the best relationship. Perhaps this is my choice, perhaps it is my fault, but my father left me and has never really said why, so I don't know if it is something I can forgive him for.

I saw on TV that half of the children in South Africa grow up without a father. Half. How can that even be? How can every second dad abandon his child/children? I don't understand it, because I cannot understand how you can leave your child. Divorce, separate, that is fine; but the choice to not have contact, to not be involved in your flesh-and-blood's life, well, I don't know how one could choose oneself over one's child. Either accept that is is a responsibility for life or don't have children. Easy.

All these fatherless children must have some larger societal impact, besides all the chicks with daddy-issues being easier to pick up at bars I mean. Parents are supposed to guide you and give advice and instil a sense of morality, but if one is gone and the other has to work constantly, what is left? On the other hand, having a terrible dad who is present surely is not exactly character-building either. Perhaps father's are just more prone to fucking up their children's lives.

I am glad when I see people have great relationships with their fathers, possibly even a little jealous, but the parent I do have is more than I could have asked for.

Give, and it will be given to you

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is an older lady that spends her days sitting on a camping chair, with a row of colourful plastic bags stretched out in a row at her feet. She sits on one corner of a four-way stop and I drive past her on my way to/from the gym. I have never seen anyone buy a bag from her, so I don't know how she survives. 

The other day, a new Mini was driving in front of me, and this tiny blond-haired child was leaning out of the back window. Suddenly the car stopped and in my rear-view mirror I saw the child stretching out its hand with a green apple in it and the lady from the corner running towards it. 

I have never thought about giving her food, because I don't know if charity is appropriate. I mean, if you are trying to earn a living by selling your bags, I guess you would prefer people to actually buy them than having to run after an apple from a car. 

It also bothers me when people give car guards money from their cars. Go up to the person and look them in the eye and put your R2 in their hand. Acknowledge them. The general population seems to want to ignore others who work menial jobs. I know a lot of people get angry about the amount of car guards one encounters and having to pay for every minute you park somewhere. It bothers me as well, because I feel one should be able to park in safety wherever one is. But if you want to give, don't do it condescendingly. 

What do I give? Hmm. I don't go to church, do I don't donate there. I'll give food or money to beggars on street corner. I pay car guards. I'll send an sms to one of those "donate R10 for rhino conservation"-efforts. There is a newspaper-delivery-man whom we will give a plate of food to if we're at home when he  delivers the paper on Tuesdays. 

I would prefer to donate my time rather than donating money which I do not really have. But one must realize that one is always more fortunate, still, than others. I live in comparable luxury. I have the privilege of  education, transport, shelter, a job ( sort-of) and there is always food in the house.

I could share more.