Ouma

Waarheen jy ook al jou trëe rig,

Sorg that you hart in elke trëe is.

- My grandmother

My grandmother wrote that in a birthday card for me. Roughly translated it means "Wherever you may go, take care that your heart is in each step". I thought it was good advice. 

I am now in Flensburg, have my own room overlooking the harbour, my roommate is supernice and everything is working out well. Now the university just has to start and I'll be a-for-away. Seems like I went in the right direction.

The view from my room this morning

Fireproof

Today I quit the gym. One more month of Zen Pilates on Wednesdays and Zen Yoga on Fridays, and then my card won't work any more. I've been going there for 5 years, not religiously, not fanatically, always slightly dishevelled looking, but regularly, at least. I've hated on all jock-y personal trainers, been embarrassed by a room full of nakedness, gotten athlete's foot, fell flat on my face and avoided the V-box class like the plague. It's not like I'm quitting exercise in order to join The People of Walmart or anything, I am just moving to Germany for, well, at least 2 years.

This means a lot of admin. I hate admin. I wish there was no bureaucracy, no paperwork, only (if need be) easy online forms that are designed so that a 6-year-old could fill them out. I would like not to feel like a criminal every time I need to complete paperwork, or to have my mom vouch for me as soon as I need to apply for the silliest things.

At the moment I am sorting (read throwing away) through my CDs, putting books in boxes and seeing which stuff could go to the less fortunate. Strange how we are all hoarders somehow. Not as excessive as the TV show, but we hang on to things because we're afraid without objects of memory we won't be able to remember everything. Maybe that is a good thing though. Maybe not every incident of life need to be enshrined somewhere in our brains.

It is rather emotional, this throwing away of things. I look at the Celine Dion CDs I took along on our trip of Mayan pyramids in Mexico as a child. After two weeks of almost exclusively Celine (I also packed Disney's Greatest Hits Vol. I and II), no one liked her any more. I find clumsy artworks, old photographs, a stack of SL magazines. It is hard to decide what to keep and what to let go, because somewhere in me there is a nagging voice constantly saying: "But you might need that again, someday."

Hah. Someday.

This moving away is harder than I thought. I am like a manic depressive, changing from being elated to nostalgic, teary-eyed and battling against a wave of sadness. Here is where my people are, it is home.

And although I've been all like 'needtoleaveneedtoleaveneedtoleave', actually leaving my very comfortable nest makes me almost shit my pants. What if this is a bad idea. What if everyone is stupid. What if I am the stupid one. What if there the sun won't ever shine. What if someone dies, here. What if, what if.

Luckily, my friend Michael left me with great advice : No experience is wasted.

Better make the best of what I have here, still, and what awaits.

Choose your own adventure

My cousin posted this on FB, and I wish my graduation speech could have been like this. I can't even remember what we were told. Something about "go out there" and then "give back to the university". Pshhhh.



THIS IS WATER - By David Foster Wallace from The Glossary on Vimeo.

24-25

On Thought Catalog, I found this list by January Nelson with 25 things one should do before one turns 25. Well. I have less than four months to make shit happen. I didn't agree with all of the points, but here are some valid ones:

 

3. Minimize your passivity.

4. Work a service job to gain some understanding of how tipping works, how to keep your cool around assholes, how a few kind words can change someone’s day.

5. Recognize freedom as a 5:30 a.m. trip to the diner with a bunch of strangers you’ve just met.

6. Try not to beat yourself up over having obtained a ‘useless’ Bachelor’s Degree. Debt is hell, and things didn’t pan out quite like you expected, but you did get to go to college, and having a degree isn’t the worst thing in the world to have. We will figure this mess out, I think, probably; the point is you’re not worth less just because there hasn’t been an immediate pay off for going to school. Be patient, work with what you have, and remember that a lot of us are in this together.

7. If you’re employed in any capacity, open a savings account. You never know when you might be unemployed or in desperate need of getting away for a few days. Even $10 a week is $520 more a year than you would’ve had otherwise.

8. Make a habit of going outside, enjoying the light, relearning your friends, forgetting the internet.

15. Forget who you are, what your priorities are, and how a person should be.

16. Identify your fears and instead of letting them dictate your every move, find and talk to people who have overcome them. Don’t settle for experiencing .000002% of what the world has to offer because you’re afraid of getting on a plane.

21. Make a habit of telling people how you feel, whether it means writing a gushing fan-girl email to someone whose work you love or telling your boss why you deserve a raise.

25. Quit that job that’s making you miserable, end the relationship that makes you act like a lunatic, lose the friend whose sole purpose in life is making you feel like you’re perpetually on the verge of vomiting. You’re young, you’re resilient, there are other jobs and relationships and friends if you’re patient and open.

I especially appreciate #6. I love my Bachelor's degree, because it taught me how to see the world not merely from one perspective, and thus be able to solve problems in different ways. If this does not work, maybe that will. Linked to the degree are the people I've met at university, the lasting and fleeting friendships, the unforgettable and forgotten nights, the 'Aha!'-moments and the realisation that although I could've become anything, being in the Humanities was like putting on a dress I wasn't entirely sure of for the first time and having it fit perfectly.

Lofticries

It is not always easy because we are dependent on circumstance, but to break from what is usual is sometimes just the kick in the nuts one needs to reclaim what is spectacular in your life.

Point me at lost islands

Words via Student Travel on FB today. 

The wife of some distant cousin of mine said that she had never really left the little town that she was from. She had studied close by, she works near her home town and well, now she got married there and is living there with her husband and two children. She added that there was some desire to leave and travel, but that ultimately, she was happy with remaining at home.

Until I was in Grade 4, we moved around a lot, so I think it is somehow embedded in me to want to leave a place after a few years. But is leaving the same as travelling? Has travelling not become some kind of spectator sport, where every sight/site is mediated through a camera lens, and then replayed on FB/Picasa/etc. for the audience of friends and family? When we travel, are we really interested in engaging with a different culture, or is it more about taking the picture to prove to others that you are a Weltenbummler. This is not accusatory, I mean, when we drive somewhere the cameras are always packed and charged and ready to be pointed at something. But most of the photographs are of nothing, and a memory would perhaps have been better than an image on a screen.

Perhaps one can be a tourist of a different kind and remain in the same place but travel nonetheless: if you see each of your friends as a country of their own, with its own cultures and religions and beliefs to be considered and respected, well, then you can do all kinds of travelling, without moving.




On a semi-related note, there was this rap song called Traumreise by Massive Töne back in the day, also about travelling sans going anywhere, really. Filmed in Cape Town.

1234

I wonder why we like little images with all types of inspirational words on them. Are all our lives so mediocre that we look to the words of others to guide us to something better, something more, a life lived in it's width and not just in its length (Yes, I read that on one of these cards)? Do we just want to show off our skill in combining a photograph with typography in Photoshop? Maybe we would simply like to imagine that what we do has meaning.

In any case. Here are some advice-shots.

via Pinterest

also via Pinterest

Hello someone on Pinterest again

I can't remember where I got this. Best of the lot?!

Into the Ink

It's all the same

create

I copied this from a post by Park Acoustics on facebook

One more

Only one more day left of 2011. It seems that at the end of every year, every one reflects on the past 365 days and says how quickly it has passed. We live year for year, with each 1st of January providing an excuse to reassess our lives and our choices, making resolutions to change and to better ourselves in newer years.

I am not one for resolutions because I don't know what I want. Silly things like losing weight or finding a husband or studying harder are not life changes. If a resolution is to be made, it should be one that you carry with you for the rest of your life. Something that not only benefits yourself, something that makes the world a better place.

Here are a few suggestions:

Be kind to everyone. Cashiers in SA seem to have signed a contract that prohibits them from being efficient workers and friendly to customers. But whatever. Kill them with kindness.

Don't be scared to meet new people. When I started at university, I had my friends from school and was not open to engaging with any of the other students because after all, I had just come back from EUROPE and was infinitely superior and I had my crew of BFFs, so I did not need anyone new in my life. Big mistake. One year later, all my old friends had migrated overseas or friendships had changed and I was a rather lonely and less arrogant person. It takes time to make friends, but after this year, I am so glad to have gotten to know many of my fellow students better. Also, friendship is a reciprocal thing and needs to be nurtured in order to grow. I like to think that my friends like me as much as I like them.

Don't judge. Joh ja, this is one of my character flaws. I judge people from the second I see them. But I remember one incident from working at Disneyland : a group of us was sweeping the area and cleaning out the dustbins when a Dutch lady with her daughter walked past, pointed at us (we were hard to miss thanks to an abominable costume of camel-toe inducing turquoise pants with a yellow strip down the side and chequered yellow-turquoise shirts) and told her daughter that she would become like us if she did not do her homework. Because of my Afrikaans I understood what she was saying, and it became clear to me that often we think wrongly of people who do menial jobs. All of the workers there were college students. I think we often judge people on appearances and on their jobs before even knowing their story. I sure am guilty of it.

Volunteer.  This is a bit hypocritical because I don't volunteer. I am always saying how I would like to and making up all of these excuses. Bottom line is, if you can and have the time, rather help out somewhere than to watch another episode of House M.D. You know, my people skills aren't so great, but reading to the elderly I could do. Or helping someone with learning a language. I don't know. This is kind of a resolution I would want to make and keep without labelling it.

To be honest, I am not sure about this post. I wanted to be all inspirational and start a movement to flippen SAVE THE WORLD and make everyone happy. But the truth is we are all caught up in our little lives and I don't think there is a collective will to have a world of peace and unity. I mean, most of the time I am thinking about what I could eat for pudding and what book to read next and what to do for New Year's Eve, and not about how we are all equal and should save our planet.

Yes.

I found this whilst cleaning out my room.
Not entirely sure what I meant with the note at the time, but for all that will be, yes.




Update ( 5 minutes later):

Ah, the full quote is :
"For all that has been, thanks. For all that will be, yes." - Dag Hammarskjold ( Swedish diplomat)

For a moment I was admiring my own brilliance, now I admire his. 

Be kind

I am not sure whether one should be kind by looking away quickly, or whether these are separate tags.. 

Both are sound advice..

Found outside Pure café near Duncan road..

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Un/real ( another lesson learnt)

We were talking about you behind your back. We were saying how we cannot comprehend your choice, how we could not do what you do, not now, not yet, maybe not ever. I don't know if it is worse to talk about someone when they are not present or to say to them what one thinks and thereby hurts their feelings. What is worse? Maybe one should just not say anything at all. 

Whenever I observe people and listen to what they talk about, it is interesting to see that everyone is lonely. We are surrounded by more possibilities of interaction than ever before, we can be on-line, communicating with strangers or friends or family or simply other people, and yet, the emotion that binds us is loneliness. Yes, love and hate and envy and joy and the Pandora's box of emotional reactions is natural to everyone, too, but I think we are all lonelier than we can admit. 

One of my lecturer's said that when we walk around or go to work or whatever, whenever we are in the company of others, all we want is an acknowledgement of existence. Someone to say, yes, ja, you there, I see you. You are here to me. Somehow we crave interaction but loathe it at the same time: it is easier to know what is going on in someone else's life by simply checking their Facebook or now, Google plus site. It is easier to be a voyeur than to actually speak to a person. I know, I am quite good at wasting my time reading people.com and honing my voyeuristic tendencies. 

I wonder if it will change, or if in the future we will all disappear behind the profiles on social networking sites,  behind avatars, behind screens and photoshopped images. Will we all chose to project unreality and a created persona, rather than presenting ourselves, as we are? This is quite a dilemma: in an age where manipulation of images and the creation of a personality are expected, where the search for absolute truth has changed to a search for absolute perfection, where every 10-year-old owns a better phone than their parents, hmm, in an age where we are not expected to be us, how can we? 

When we were talking about you and your choices and how we think you are lonelier than you let on, I say just talk about it. There is no need to fear being rejected or being judged ( well, if you gossip about someone I guess you are already judging them, so perhaps that ship has sailed). I like people more when they are real and troubled and problematic and strange and human than when they are an illusion of perfection. 

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Lessons Learned

I can't remember where I got this from.

Vat die lang pad

Vandag het ek halfhartig probeer oefening doen want die vrouens in die tydskrifte so veel beter verskyn en ek tog voel ek moet ook so lyk. Binne in my weet ek, natuurlik, photoshop kan almal in perfeksie verander, en dat die wêreld lelik en eg en stinkerig en vuil en vol ongelykhede is, maar daai prente op die posters laat my streef na 'n ideaal waarteen ek opstelle skryf en waarteen my openbare feminis stry en baklei. Ek weet ek is nie 'n prent nie, maar ek, soos julle almal, wil ook party dae nie wees waarin ek gevange is nie.

Toe sit ek by die masjiene, waarteen ek in elke geval gekant is, en stoot maar die pennetjie van 80kg wat die bodybuilder ou voor my met links gestoot het op na 5kg  en doen maar die repetiesies war vir my sal laat lyk soos 'n foto. Maar tussenin kom staan Joseph, wat daar werk en oor die laaste paar maande my vriend geword het, by my en wil gesels. En ek luister. Die helfte van die tyd weet ek nie wat hy sê nie omdat hy nie vir my kyk terwyl hy praat nie, en dan moet ek nader aan hom gaan staan en my oor soos 'n ou vrou in sy rigting draai.

Ook vra hy my altyd hoekom ek nie meer oefen nie, wat ek weeg en hoe ek beplan om van my gewig ontslae te raak, so dit is 'n ietwat onaangename oomblik vir my as ek hom sien. Van my gewig onslae te raak klink vir my as of ek van my hele lyf ontslae met raak. As of ek myslef in stukke behoort te sny en te se, hier, in die vullis.  Vat my vleis en vet en vel. Maar eintlik dink ek my lyf is wonderlik, in die waarste sin van die woord: ek verstom my oor hoe alles kan beweeg en kan seer raak en kan voel.  

Toe vra Joseph my wat ek met my lewe aanvang en wat my plan is. Ek sê vir hom, ek lewe vir my, nou. Ek lewe om iets te belewe. Dit is nou die tyd om te droom en wêrelde te sien. Dit is nou die tyd om nie spyt te wees oor wat my lewe beinhou het nie.

Hy sê toe vir my: Ja. Dit is 'n blink plan. Jy moet die lang pad vat. Moet nie die kort pad vat nie, want hy kan jou teleurstel en dan sit jy in die middel van nêrens sonder 'n pad wat voorlê.

Ek wou net sê, ek stem. Ek sal die lang pad vat, ook as ek nie juis weet waar hy is nie. Dalk Kaap of Korea toe? Haha. Nou daar is die eerste droom.

As bonus nog 'n Koos Kombuis gedig:

POLITIEKE ISOLASIE
(ná die break-up)

Daar is sex shops in Amsterdam
Daar's reisies op Killarney
Daar is oorloe in Afganistan
Ek weet nie hoekom jy my pla nie

Hoekom worry ek oor jou
War Games is belangriker
Die wêreld kan vergaan, dan sou
ons ons nie eerns meer kan herinner
Aan die tye wat verby is nie!

Sal die wêreld ophou draai
Net oor een simpele koebaai?
Sal Seepunt oopgestel word vir Kubane
Sal die prys van brood weer styg
Sal kanker genees kan word met marijuana
of niemand meer oor die World Cup juig?

Die wêreld is tog groter
As net ek en jy se liggame
Jou oe, so blou soos gister
Is twee klein, nietige atome
Wat niks aan als verander nie.

Jou hande is net vleis en been
Jou lyf is bruin, jou hemp is blou
Jy's maar net, onder miljoene, één -
Nou hoekom breek ek my hart oor jou?

Ek gee nie om waar Boy George is nie,
En Brook Shields kan rodreis waar sy wil
P.W. Botha is seker op vakansie
So wat is met jóú die groot verskil?

DIes net dat ek wil weet, hóé jy sonder
My die lewe voel, of jy my mis,
Ensovoorts, ensovoorts. Al die gwone:
In die hele wye wêreld
Was jý mý klein bêreplek van drome.


uit Die Geel Kafee

Lessons Learned

Sometimes, one just needs to let it all hang after a long day.

Lessons Learned

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Lessons Learned

This one is for the weekend.
Enjoy.

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Lessons Learned

This time courtesy of Gunda. Because she gives great advice.

via iamsohip

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