Sy vat aan my haar-bolla - net 'n enkele oomblik lang. Hy
vat aan sy skouer, gee dit 'n vinnige druk, en stap verder. Toe hy uit die
kombuis uit terug kom, doen hy dit weer. Dit lyk as of sy gaan huil, so ek sit
my hand op haar arm, net vinnig, net om te sê alles sal oraait wees.
Dit is interessant hoe baie keer in 'n dag mens aan ander
vat. Ek weet party mense hou nie daarvan nie, en ek self is nou ook nie te
groot op die hele konstante gevattery wat party paartjies doen. Maar net so,
tussen vriende en familie en selfs vreemdelinge, hou ek daarvan om te kyk hoe
mense aan ander raak.
In Frankryk soen-groet almal vir almal. Een regs, een links,
en klaar. Dit was soms by die werk effens irriteerend omdat as daar twintig
mense is wat twintig ander moet bisou-bisou kan dit 'n rukkie vat. Maar teen
minste was daar 'n standaard.
Hier is ek nooit so seker nie. Vir goeie vriende sal ek 'n
drukkie gee, maar ook net as ek hulle nie elke dag sien nie. Vir my ma sal ek
lang drukkies gee omdat ek langer as sy is en steeds so mooi in haar arms pas.
Vir my hond gee en ook drukkies omdat hy die perfekte grote is as hy op my
skoot sit en dit heerlik is om my vingers tussen sy vel te laat gly. Die jaar
toe ek weg was wou ek omtrent elke hondeeienaar bespring en net aan hulle honde
raak. Mens mis daai gevoel van warmte en togeneentheid. As ek nuwe mense leer
ken is dit altyd vir my 'n uitdaaging: vir die hello kan mens dalk nog vinnig
waai of die hand skud ( ek praat net van nuwe vriende, nie van
onderhoud-baas-situasies nie), maar teen die einde van die aand weet ek nooit
rêrig of mens weer net moet waai/hand skud of 'n drukkie gee of net die vlaktes
moet inhardloop nie. Dalk hou die persoon nie van 'n gevattery nie? Dalk sien
hy/sy dit as 'n "invasion of private space". Maar aan die ander kant
sou die persoon dalk graag daai moment van intimiteit wil voel? Ek weet nooit
rêrig nie.
Dit steur my ook as mense nie 'n ordentlike druk gee nie. As
jy dan nou so na aan mekaar wil kom, moet asseblief nie jou skouer in my
kakebeen in druk nie. Die sy-druk is ook vreemd. Dis 'n half-hartige
onsekerheids-hello en ek dink doen dit reg of groet net vinnig.
Dalk wys die manier wat jy aan 'n ander mens vat meer oor
hoe jy die verhouding sien as hoe hulle self dit sien. Dit kan natuurlik wees,
dit kan onbewus wees, maar die manier hoe mens aan ander raak is party keer
belangriker as wat mens sê.
*
She touched my bun – just for a moment. He touched his
shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze before walking on. When he leaves the
kitchen to come back, he does it again. It looks as if she is crying, so I
put my hand on her arm, just quickly, just to say everything will be okay.
It is interesting how many times in a day one touches other people. I know some people do not like it, and I am also not too big on the constant PDAs of some couples. But between friends and family and even strangers, I like to watch how people touch others.
The French greet everyone with a double kiss. One on the right cheek, one on the left, and done. At work I sometimes became slightly irritated because if twenty people have to bisou-bisou twenty others, it can take a while. But at least there was a standard.
Here I am not so sure. I will hug good friends, but only if I do not see them every day. My mother gets a long hug because I am taller than she is and still fit so well between her arms. My dog gets hugs as well because he is the perfect size when he sits on my lap and it is great to feel his fur between fingers. The year that I was away I wanted to harass almost every dog owner and just touch their dogs. You miss that feeling of warmth and affection. When I get to know new people it is always challenging for me: hello can be a quick wave or a handshake (I am only referring here to friendships, not to interview-boss situations), but at the end of the evening I never really know whether we should just wave/shake hands again or if one should hug or if one should just make a run for it. Maybe the person doesn’t like being touched? Maybe see he/she has "invasion of private space"-issues. On the other hand, the person might like that moment of intimacy of a goodbye hug. I never really know.
It bothers me when people do not give a decent hug. If you want to embrace, it should be done correctly, so please don’t jab your shoulder into my jaw. The side hug is also weird. It's a half-hearted uncertainty hello - and I think one should do it right or just quickly say a quick hello/goodbye.
Maybe the way we touch others show more about our own relationship with the person than the way they perceive it. It might be natural, it may be unconscious, but the manner in which one touches others often becomes more important than what one says.
It is interesting how many times in a day one touches other people. I know some people do not like it, and I am also not too big on the constant PDAs of some couples. But between friends and family and even strangers, I like to watch how people touch others.
The French greet everyone with a double kiss. One on the right cheek, one on the left, and done. At work I sometimes became slightly irritated because if twenty people have to bisou-bisou twenty others, it can take a while. But at least there was a standard.
Here I am not so sure. I will hug good friends, but only if I do not see them every day. My mother gets a long hug because I am taller than she is and still fit so well between her arms. My dog gets hugs as well because he is the perfect size when he sits on my lap and it is great to feel his fur between fingers. The year that I was away I wanted to harass almost every dog owner and just touch their dogs. You miss that feeling of warmth and affection. When I get to know new people it is always challenging for me: hello can be a quick wave or a handshake (I am only referring here to friendships, not to interview-boss situations), but at the end of the evening I never really know whether we should just wave/shake hands again or if one should hug or if one should just make a run for it. Maybe the person doesn’t like being touched? Maybe see he/she has "invasion of private space"-issues. On the other hand, the person might like that moment of intimacy of a goodbye hug. I never really know.
It bothers me when people do not give a decent hug. If you want to embrace, it should be done correctly, so please don’t jab your shoulder into my jaw. The side hug is also weird. It's a half-hearted uncertainty hello - and I think one should do it right or just quickly say a quick hello/goodbye.
Maybe the way we touch others show more about our own relationship with the person than the way they perceive it. It might be natural, it may be unconscious, but the manner in which one touches others often becomes more important than what one says.
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