Please tell me something good happened to you today. A little moment of joy or an enormous surprise, just anything happy.
In the past three hours, it is as though all my ideas and dreams and hopes and back-up plans for the future were sucked up by a monstrous fan and ripped apart in seconds. Seconds. And now the fan is just continuing, as if what he has done to me was hardly even noticeable. Moving along. Breezing about.
Why do I feel so shredded?
First Japan informs me I've been chosen as an alternate and will be told any time between now and fucking Christmas whether I can go. Yeah. Because I haven't been waiting long enough already.
For the moment I was still sticking to that 'keep calm and carry on' bullshit. I was thinking, ah, well, apply to universities and do your Masters and that is what you wanted to do in any case and ALLWILLBEFINE. Everything's ok. You are ok.
Then I went to the University's site where I really desperately wanted to do my Masters, and BAM, they say the program has been postponed because it is being "re-evaluated" and there will be no admissions for 2013. What. No. Nonononononononono.
Now, I am not sure.
Start dreaming from the beginning. "Re-evaluate" yourself, what you thought you wanted, what you could do now.
No need to panic.