Leaving

This is what the moon looked like in March,2010. And what it looks like tonight, strangely. 

Tonight I went to a friend's 21st, and it was lovely to spend the time with her, but I felt a) old, b) like my life would never move past Pretoria and c) in a difficult place because some of the friendships between the girls that were present appeared superficial.

In friendship, I want to be able to say whatever comes to mind without having to worry about being judged or not accepted or chastised. This was an interesting week for friendships because I spent two days with friends I have known for years and both days were great because it was so comfortable to be in each other's company.Another day spent with a different person was a bit awkward because the not-so-close friend seems to see us as closer than what I feel we are and we differ strongly in our views, but it is not one of those friendships where one can argue both sides of the coin and still be tight. The fourth lady I met this week is like a dementor that sucks out all the happiness and fills every surrounding space with negativity. Nothing is good in the world for her, and I would actually prefer not to spend any time with her, but feel that it is my duty to try and understand why she is so miserable and if it could be changed. The last friend stopped by today, and even though we abuse his knowledge of DIY-stuff, it is again one of those friendships where it is just comfortable to be around a person and there is no stressing about what to (not) say or what could be construed wrongly or so. It is strange to think about how much we interact with people on a daily basis and how much the positive in these interactions depend not only on the way we view others, but also on the way they view us. To one I might be a raging bitch, to another an embracing personality, and to another not of importance - we all perceive people differently.

I'm heading to the coast again and because it was a last minute decision I will try to post while I am there. Sorry that the blog revamp that I have imagined in my head will have to wait another two weeks.