You said you wouldn't mind if I never spoke to you again. That if we never saw each other again, it would be all right with you. I answered that it could be arranged.
You make the fault of wanting me to be an ideal you have experienced in film and other friendships. But I am not your friend. I am your blood. There is nothing you can change about it. So stop trying to blame me for the non-existence of a friendship. Stop complaining about who I am not: I am not the one to come to when deciding between 20 pairs of shoes. I don’t want to go shopping with you. I don’t want to hear about your martial art. I don’t care about any of them. I care about you as a person in my life, not as a series of everyday choices to consult on.
But where are you now? Where is the person who was seen as a leader? Where is the person who could give great advice? Where is the person that went out dancing in white heels? I ask you now: what have you become but a shell of previous attachments? I know that as much as you cannot change me, I cannot change you. But there must be more to your life than this. You must have more ambition than this.
So please stop blaming me for your current situation. Stop taking it out on me when you have twosome issues. Stop comparing me to another, who is part of your DNA too: our halves were just mixed contrarily. We are as alike as we are different. We used to like similar things. Now everything has changed. Now I care as little as you do.
We were never the picture of filial perfection. But far away I could talk to you because you had a life that continued. Here you are stuck and you are of no interest any longer. Just as I won’t eat what does not taste well to me, I will not associate myself with boredom, with the acceptance of mediocrity. Perhaps this striving for more is a hindrance, there is not always a better or bigger or faster, but on occasion one must try harder.
I know my faults. All of you have this tendency to not be shy about pointing about my faults. Heaven forbid though that your flawlessness might be questioned. You are no diamond either.
My suggestion: look to your own faults before focussing on mine. Maybe I am the reason for your continued unhappiness. Perhaps you contribute to mine. I choose now not to care about these qualms anymore. Let’s keep our issues separate, let’s not continuously denounce the other, and hopefully then I will love you not out of the obligation associated with the vermillion in my veins, but rather because I actually like who you are.
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